Your inner narrative

Art credit:

“Six Persimmons” by the monk Muqi Fachang (13th Century)

Located in the collection of the Juko’in subtemple of Daitoku-ji in Kyoto, Japan.

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Mind games

There’s what’s happening, and there are the stories your mind tells you about what’s happening.

Those stories take the form of your inner narrative - the voice in your head that comments on everything you experience. If you’re like the rest of us, your inner narrative is usually negative. It tends to be filled with labels and judgment. It deals in absolutes and demanding expectations. It pulls you into the past and tells you what you should have done differently (or, reminds you of failures and embarrassing moments). It pushes you into the future and tells you all the bad things that could happen (or, how you’ll never achieve your dreams and get what you want).

And, if you’re like the rest of us, your inner narrative is rarely satisfied with what’s happening right now. It tells you something needs to be changed or fixed before you can be happy. Even when everything is going your way, it reminds you the good times won’t last.

Our inner narratives keep us mesmerized with a constant barrage of thoughts. They dictate our moods. They influence our decisions and actions.

Put another way, we are all prisoners of our minds.

That may sound bleak, but there is good news: breaking out of the prison doesn’t require a Herculean effort. First, you have to recognize you’re in it. Then, you have to remember to remember.

A mindfulness cue

Once you recognize you’re a prisoner, how do you “remember to remember?”

You can use what we call a “mindfulness cue.” Set a timer on your watch or phone, or put a sticky note on your computer or some other visible location. When the timer goes off - or, when you see the note - ask “What stories has my mind been telling me?” Take a minute to reflect.

If you do this once an hour for a day or two, you’ll quickly develop the habit of checking. As that habit becomes ingrained, you’ll start catching your mind before the cue prompts you. And, if you keep at it, you’ll eventually be able to notice the stories as they start. You might even find yourself laughing at them: “There goes my mind, turning everything into a catastrophe.” “There’s the mental drama again!”

What do you do after you notice the mental activity?

You let it all be as it is, and return to what you’re doing in the present moment (working, playing, eating, talking with your partner, watching a show, reading a book, etc.). People often get confused with “letting it all be as it is” - they want to stop the thoughts, or change them in some way. But, “stopping” or “changing” is engaging, and engaging provides fuel for your inner narrative to continue. If, instead, you let it all be as it is, you cut off the fuel. And, the more you cut off the fuel, the more your mind will settle down.

If it helps, you can think of this process as something akin to a child who gets bored playing with a toy. They don’t try to talk the toy into changing - they just put it down and move on. Likewise, you notice the thoughts, you let them be as they are, and you return to what you’re doing in the present moment.

Notice and return

This (conveniently) brings us to the name of our publication - “Notice and Return.”

Notice and return, as discussed in the previous section, is something you do throughout your day. It’s also something you do as a formal exercise to further develop the skill of not getting caught up in your mind. Here’s how the exercise works:

1.) Sit somewhere quiet, where you won’t be disturbed.

2.) Focus your attention on an anchor. The two most common anchors are (1) your breath as you inhale and exhale, and (2) a mantra that you repeat silently to yourself. Experiment with both options and pick the one that’s most comfortable. (If you have trouble “finding” your breath, you can focus on your stomach as it rises and falls instead. If you want a mantra to use, try “om” - or, if you prefer two syllables, try “so hum.”)

3.) When you notice your attention has wandered from the anchor and you’re caught up in mental activity (i.e., lost in thought), simply return it to the anchor. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you to notice, as long as you eventually notice. It doesn’t matter how many times you have to return your attention to the anchor, as long as you keep returning it.

That’s it - notice and return, over and over. Try doing it for 5 minutes at a time, a few times a day. After two or three days, try doing it for 10 minutes at a time. Be warned, though...if you aren’t already aware of how busy your mind is, you soon will be! That’s a good thing: you’re recognizing you are a prisoner.

Some of you know this exercise as meditating. Unfortunately, that word carries a lot of baggage. A lot of people consider it “woo woo,” or steeped in mystery. Others say they can’t do it because their mind is too busy (we’ll talk about why this is false next time). Many just scoff at its mention.

But, as you can see, there’s nothing mystical about noticing and returning. And, breaking free from mental drama is nothing to scoff at. In fact, it may be one of the most important things you ever do.

In future posts, we’ll elaborate more on this process, answer questions from readers, and discuss how being a prisoner of your mind leads to suffering...not only mentally, but physically because your brain initiates the “stress response” and repeatedly puts your body into a state of fight or flight, which can lead to a plethora of ailments (e.g., chronic pain, sleep problems, gastrointestinal disorders, skin problems, a weakened immune system…even conditions like diabetes and heart disease).

We’ll also study the nature of our minds, scrutinize what we control (and, more importantly, what we don’t control), examine the temporary nature of...everything, delve into terms like “awareness,” “emptiness,” “craving,” and “arising and passing.” And, for those of you interested, we’ll explore nonduality.

For now, though, notice and return. With consistent effort, the walls will come down and the prisoner can be freed.

We are all prisoners of our minds. But, we don’t have to be.

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